It’s Heresy to Read the Bible Literally (according to retired Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong).
Category: Actual Heresy
Have some heretical comedy
Lollards, lol
Lollards were not modern Internet trolls; the group was active from the 14th into the 16th century in England. According to J. Patrick Hornbeck IIm the Lollards may have been inspired by the teachings of John Wyclif (who was into wild things like translating the Bible into English and radical poverty). They rejected transubstantiation, the powers of the pope, and a bunch of other stuff. They were, some have said, the beginnings of a “premature Reformation.”
With a name like that, though, we should call meme-spreaders Lollards because it is too perfect not to.
The bible says the gods made the Earth (maybe)
This should upset your pastor. Try pointing this out one Sunday and see if they light you on fire or something.
Where Genesis 1:2 says “And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters” that “God” there is אֱלהִים (elohiym – H430), which is the plural of H433 (אֱלוַֹהּ אֱלוַֹהּ – God). See for yourself.
I mean, yes, this could be taken to mean angels, the host of heaven, or God in the “royal we” consulting with His own soul, but where’s the fun in that?
The Christian Heresy of Wealth
Among modern evangelicals, there is a heresy that if you have enough faith, give enough money to your church, and pray daily, then you will have everlasting material prosperity.
The good book might disagree with you, there.
- Matthew 6:19-21 says not to store up treasure on earth
- Matthew 19:21 Jesus says, “Go sell your possessions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
- Mark 10:25 says that it is nearly impossible for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
- Luke 6:20-26 said Blessed are the poor, but woe to the rich
- Romans 8:17 talks of sharing in Christ’s suffering
- Hebrews 13:5 says to keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have
- 1 John 3:17 says, “If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?”
- 1 Timothy 6:10 says, “For the love of money is the root of all evil”
The heresy of Richard Fosbury
Richard Fosbury was an American high jumping heretic. He won a gold medal at the 1968 Summer Olympics, revolutionising the high jump event with a “back-first” technique now known as the Fosbury flop. By the wisdom of the day, this was the “wrong way” to high jump. Fosbury did it his way and smashed the world record.
Be a bit more like Richard Fosbury.
Jesus was a communist or at least a strongly socialist
Sorry, capitalists, JC and his friends were all about sharing, feeding the poor, and caring for immigrants.
Jesus was the OG heretic
Jesus was woke AF!
Jesus was all about equality; He held women to be equal to men.
Jesus treated outcasts as his equals and was critical of elitists.
Sorry righties, Jesus was woke!