Top 10 Heresies

Rejected verses for “Oil in My Lamp”

Posted on | by Matt | 10 Comments on Rejected verses for “Oil in My Lamp”

Give me memes in my feed,
Let me ROFL,
Give me memes in my feed, I pray!
Give me memes in my feed,
Let me ROFL,
Let me ROFL
Till the break of day.

Sing Hosanna, etc.

Give me gumption for my unction,
Let me function,
Give me gumption for my unction, I pray!
Give me gumption for my unction,
Let me function,
Let me function
Till the break of day.

Sing Hosanna, etc.

(this one for the students doing last-minute revision)

Give me milk in my coffee,
Let me focus,
Give me milk in my coffee, I pray!
Give me milk in my coffee,
Let me focus,
Let me focus
Till the break of day.

Sing Hosanna, etc.

Let’s see what you’ve got…

This should upset Tommy Robinson

Posted on | by Matt | 1 Comment on This should upset Tommy Robinson

I woke up today to a news headline on social media about the CoE putting out a message to Tommy Robinson’s Christian nationalism that this is not how the faith works at all.

Here’s the skinny.

C of E to challenge Tommy Robinson’s ‘put Christ back into Christmas’ message

Church leaders respond to far-right appropriation of Christian symbols with ‘Outsiders welcome’ message

The Church of England is to launch a poster campaign aimed at challenging the anti-migrant message of Tommy Robinson, whose “Unite the Kingdom” movement has urged its supporters to join a carols event next weekend to “put the Christ back into Christmas”.

The posters, which will go on display at bus stops, say “Christ has always been in Christmas” and “Outsiders welcome”. They will also be available for local churches to download and display over the festive period.

The Guardian, Harriet Sherwood, Sun 7 Dec 2025

While I, for one, like a bit of heresy, I still thought it might be fun to find bible quotes that Tommy Robinson would find upsetting.

Here’s the first one – you can’t be a nationalist and a Christian because Christians are not part of this world.

I have given them your word, and the world has hated them, because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not belong to the world. I am not asking you to take them out of the world, but that you keep them safe from the evil one. They do not belong to the world just as I do not belong to the world.

John 17:14-16, NET

For a whole load of work calling Robinson’s heresy what it is, the JPIT (nice folks, terrible acronym) have put out a whole bunch of resources for churches to use.

Lollards, lol

Posted on | by Matt | 2 Comments on Lollards, lol

Lollards were not modern Internet trolls; the group was active from the 14th into the 16th century in England. According to J. Patrick Hornbeck IIm the Lollards may have been inspired by the teachings of John Wyclif (who was into wild things like translating the Bible into English and radical poverty). They rejected transubstantiation, the powers of the pope, and a bunch of other stuff. They were, some have said, the beginnings of a “premature Reformation.”

With a name like that, though, we should call meme-spreaders Lollards because it is too perfect not to.

This bible passage should upset the Christian right

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“I will come to you in judgment. I will be quick to testify against those who practice divination; those who commit adultery; those who break promises; and those who exploit workers, widows, and orphans, who refuse to help the resident foreigner and in this way show they do not fear me,” says the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.

Malachi 3:5 NET (emphisis added)

Some nicknames for Jesus sure to upset someone

Posted on | by Matt | 4 Comments on Some nicknames for Jesus sure to upset someone
  • The Founder
  • The Main Man
  • Big J
  • J.C.
  • God’s Boy
  • Prince O’ P’
  • The First Influencer
  • Teach’
  • The Promised Dude
  • The Dude Himself
  • Satan’s Younger Brother
  • Big Bro
  • Oldest Bro
  • First Bro
  • Our Adopted Brother
  • The Parable Guy
  • Jeezy Creezy
  • Josh
  • The Morning Star
  • The Example
  • Mr. Perfect
  • High Priest
  • Rev. Joshua
  • Sheep Wrangler
  • The Logo

Hit me with your nicknames for Joshua Christ.